Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
