Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize