yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
