i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
