I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My nipple is on Facebook.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
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checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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