I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
