i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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