it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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