Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
God, I missed his penis.
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