Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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