forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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