haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
