i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
