ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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