he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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