Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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