p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
