I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
