And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
