I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
