saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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