on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
