ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
