The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
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