I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
