That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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