my vag is so smooth its legendary
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
