Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
