So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
