John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
