lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
