Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
