I smell stomach acid.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
