I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
