Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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