He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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