I wish my penis had an off switch
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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