Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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