Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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