the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This toilet bowl is my home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
