People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
