Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Drunk is not a location!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
