Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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