Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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