Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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