You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
