Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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