Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
