I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
