Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
