haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
