yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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