so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
