I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
