Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
