Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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