If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
