Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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