Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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