nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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