this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
