I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
