so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
