Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
