nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He has the fingertips of a God
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
