You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
