i think my tv is drunk
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
