I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
