you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
