The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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