how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
