Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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