i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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