I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
