ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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