So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
