Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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