Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
