you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
